


Adam

by BlackSansaStark



Category: Degrassi
Genre: Angst, Canon Compliant, Drabble, F/M, Hurt/Comfort, TW: Mentions of Miscarriage
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-12-24
Updated: 2020-12-24
Packaged: 2021-03-10 22:09:42
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 594
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/28274385
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/BlackSansaStark/pseuds/BlackSansaStark
Summary: Clare visits the grave of the child she never got to have. Trigger Warning for the canon miscarriage plotline.
Relationships: Clare Edwards/Eli Goldsworthy
Kudos: 1





	Adam

If she pretends hard enough, she could visualize him as real.

Clare Edwards laid white flowers on the grave. “Adam Edwards-Goldsworthy”, it read but she couldn’t process it. It’s been four years and she still had trouble believing their baby was dead.

In her mind, she sees their son with Eli’s hair and her blue eyes. His cheeks are round and pale like hers but when he smiles, it’s Eli’s smirk. As an infant, he’s quiet and sweet like she was when she was a baby. But he’s also just curious as Eli and he tugs at her cross necklace when she holds him. Their parents spoil him every time they visit, with Cece and Bullfrog filling his mouth with treats. Her mother bounces him on her lap when she visits, and brings him to church with him on her hip. At night, he sleeps with Clarence in the cradle Eli and Jake built for him. Jake calls Adam by a bunch of stupid nicknames and gives him random piggyback rides. For some reason, Adam never cries with Uncle Jake.

She can see herself teaching him how to walk on his chubby legs, and Eli teaching him how to talk. His first word is her name. He laughs as he runs around the house, throwing his toys around and throwing paint on the walls. When Darcy visits, she brings him gifts and clothes. She arranges play dates with Alli and Jenna’s kids, and they all become friends.

She can see Adam being gifted a bible for Christmas. It’s big, with bright and colorful pictures. He doesn’t understand much but he touches the pictures with his fingers when she reads the stories to him at night. When her and Eli read him fairy tales together, he listens attentively until he falls asleep.

On his first day of school, he’s wearing a big, blue backpack and holding both her and Eli’s hands. He’s already noted to a bright young boy that reads at a higher level than any of his classmates. Adam is quiet, shy but passionate about writing.

As images of the life he could, should have had flash through her minds, tears stream down her face. Some days, she thinks she’s over him but there are days like this and it’s just not fair. 

She can’t even look at his grave now. She closes her eyes and whimpers. 

She hears footsteps. 

“There’s this guy over there that lived to be almost a hundred and ten years old. That’s crazy! I don’t know if I want to live that long, what do you think Clarebear?” Jenna cheerfully asks her.

Clare turns around and looks at her best friend, whose face shifts with sympathy. Only Jenna was able to come with her today, and honestly only Jenna could somewhat understand the pain of losing a child, especially on Mother’s Day.

“Why us?” Clare asks, almost angry. “All of these mothers get to be happy today and spend time with their kids. But we can’t. It’s not fair! I don’t even feel like a real mother.”

Jenna smiles sadly. “I know.”

“I want Adam back.”

“I want Tyson back too. But he’s with a good family, and Adam is in a better place,” Jenna reassures her, but it doesn’t make her feel better. She wants her son.

Jenna kneels down next to her and rubs her back as she cries. She doesn’t know how they stayed, only that by the time they left, her heart was empty.

All of her fantasies about Adam are just that, fantasies.


End file.
